The Bottomless Pit

Ok, so seriously, again today?

Why am I so damn hungry? I must not be eating right. I should not be this hungry at this point. It must be just me and the way I am.

Anyway, I’ve reined it in today. I’m taking control of this hunger. And making it my bitch.

Water is the answer.

I’ve decided that it’s not that I’m hungry, actually. It’s that my stomach is unsettled (nauseous, whatever. You say potato, I say potatoe).

In the meantime of writing this, however, Jon called to say he’s getting Qdoba for dinner.

Perfect.

I did buy a pregnancy yoga DVD yesterday. Going to see if it’s different than real yoga. I feel scared to workout for some reason. I know it’s silly. I MUST get over that. Well, scared and working out outside holds none of my interest. I mean, it’s 32 degrees (better than other days). I’m not going outside.

Other than that, feel great today. Just can’t get over-hungry or be without water. Both seem to be a recipe for ickyness.

Throwing Up

Well, I can no longer say that I haven’t had the morning sickness.

I mean, really, body, that’s the way you want to let me know that something’s different?

Yesterday morning, I was just out of the shower and getting ready to head to breakfast and the movies with Molly. And all of a sudden, I had a squeamish feeling in my belly and–headed to the bathroom and up came the yogurt and strawberries I’d eaten for breakfast. At least it didn’t smell awful, I guess.

Jon high-five’ed me as I reported what had happened. I laughed, because that’s how we are, but I didn’t know if I should be mad. I’ve decided not to be.

Yeah, awesome.

Today, I swear, my stomach was a bottomless pitt. Kind of like when you’re hungover and the only thing that makes you feel better is greasy, heavy food on your stomach. Like that, except I wasn’t hungover. So, I had oatmeal for breakfast. Two hours later (I slept in) it was lunch time. And I had a chicken breast, broccoli and long grain and wild rice (ok, I’m doing good and healthy thus far). Then, I headed out shopping with my Mom and Kathy. And I took a Fiber One bar with me. Two actually. But one, I ate on the way. Ok…that was ok. So far so good. Only about 850 calories in. But. All of a sudden, I was queasy. The only thing I could do was ask to grab a McDonald’s McChicken sandwich. That’s 360 calories. Ok, I’m at 1210 calories, if my math is right. And then, Chili’s Buffalo Chicken Salad for dinner. Which was probably thousands of calories. And lots of water.

I guess the day wasn’t a total bust. I didn’t eat tons, really. But it felt like it. And now, I feel just STUFFED.

Tomorrow, I hit the road for work for a few days and have to be prepared. Pop-Tarts and Fiber One bars are my friend. Probably should stop and grab some grapes. Those seem to really do the trick — the sugar in them and the easy eating make them a super good eat-while-driving treat. And, they’re not unhealthy.

But, fear of gaining tons of weight looms over me. Need to do a better job of planning things out, I think.

Here’s to planning…

Auntie Nana Sandy – Thank You!

Ok, so I don’t know what this kid is going to call anyone. That’ll work itself out in due time (no pun intended, I swear). BUT — my cousin Sandy (who is really more of an aunt to me) surprised me at our book club Thursday night with these fun gifts for baby!

You Quack Me Up, Sandy & Bob!

From left, there are baby washcloths that match the yellow robe (with duck hood), a onesie and sleeper with yellow and ducks, and bibs (with one that says “You Quack Me Up!” Plus, a fuzzy sleeper that has a little stitched on tag that says “Squeeze Me”. When I showed these fun presents to Jon, he laughed and said “I wish I could have pajamas like those!”.

So, anyway, thanks Sandy & Bob! We can’t wait to wear them!!

The Little Red Chair

So, baby’s first gift was from Grandma Carpenter (the baby’s Grandma Carpenter, not mine). That’s weird. And, we’re also working on different names than ‘Grandma’. I had four Grandma’s, I feel like I get to have Grandma’s, my kids will have to call theirs something different. Selfish, yes. But also, creative.

Anyway, so two days after peeing on a stick, two+ weeks ago, I told my Mom she was going to be a Grandma.

We happened to be on our way shopping at that point. We hit up HomeGoods (where we’re about to head again this afternoon) and what did she find? A little red chair, that matches the reading chair in her bedroom.

Too. Freaking. Cute.

The little red chair, baby's first gift, courtesy of Grandma Wendy

Anyway, my Mom wants it at her house. Ultimately, she’ll own it. But for now, it’s too cute in the living room at Jon’s house, so that’s where we’re letting it live. It’s just the right size for little people!!

If Heaven Wasn’t So Far Away…

Well, I had to run an errand to get printer paper so I could get work done this morning. I have to head to Grand Rapids this afternoon for a few hours of work-related trade show stuff, then book club tonight.

But…as I pulled into the parking space at the store, this song came on the radio, by Justin Moore. It’s called “If Heaven Wasn’t So Far Away”. Let me tell you, me and my makeup sat there and let tears ruin us.

I have been thinking a lot lately, and was going to write about it in my last post, about how I want to make sure that I capture my grandparents and the people who aren’t a part of my living, breathing life anymore as part of the story my baby will know. And then, this song came on and I CRIED and was sad. It was hard, losing my Grandma and Grandpa Thick at the same time five years ago. And my Grandpa Carrell, we lost him to Alzheimer’s long before he died. And my Grandpa Carpenter — I feel totally jipped. This baby will have missed him by just 10 months. And my Grandpa VanAarle, today is actually the six-year anniversary of the day he passed away.

Really, there are so many people who will love this baby in the here and now. But, I can’t help but be so sad that the folks I loved so deeply and were such a big part of my life won’t know my child. Instead of dwell on the sad parts, I’m hoping to intermittently sprinkle in stories about those people here, so that I capture my favorite memories and can share them as time goes on.

Have a listen to the song. It’s my new favorite.

http://media.mtvnservices.com/mgid:uma:video:cmt.com:620191

Week 6

Ha ha!

I’m halfway…to being through the first trimester of this pregnancy!

Had a brief moment of scary vomit-is-ness yesterday morning on the way to an account. Had to pullover in a parking lot as I battled traffic, and when the cool air hit me, I was fine. But, that was not a fun experience. Have admittedly not felt great from time to time…but not nauseous so much as just an unsettled stomach. However, the dizziness returned today and that was not fun at all. All I can think about when the dizziness sets in is not tipping over, which makes my brain become, well, not my own, or so it seems.

So, herewith, some of the things that I’ll try to remember (I swear) to keep track of each week as things progress…

Symptoms: Dizziness, generaly ickiness (not nauseous per se). All of a sudden, very tired. Was blaming travel, homework, classes — but I think it’s a symptom. I don’t hate sleep, so that works for me.

Clothes: Mine fit…actually, mine that are a size smaller than normal fit right now. That will not be lasting much longer, but the lack of pop and beer and alcohol in my diet has worked for me lately.

Complexion: Weird zits popping up intermittently. Nothing more than annoying.

Cravings: Nope. Well, water. I’m incredibly thirsty.

Size: Mine, I’m not disclosing. Allegedly the baby is the size of a sweet pea this week. As mentioned above, my pants fit and all is well in the world.

Who Knows: Family, some friends. No one at work. I disclosed that we got the house (insepction was today!) but haven’t let loose the baby news. No need yet. Six more weeks before I feel comfortable sharing this still-delicate news with work folks.

Aversions: None yet, other than a real lack of enthusiasm over these pre-natal vitamins. I mean, I think they’re what cause most of my unsettled stomach anyway.

Jon: Great! I haven’t said this to him, but I really feel like he’s stepped up in the little ways you hope for. The waiting up for me to get home from travel last night, meeting me at the car and helping carry stuff in, telling me my legs aren’t broken when I ask (guilt) him into doing/getting things for me. In a really great place right now — so much change for both of us on the horizon. He’s my for better-or-worse man and it’s only looking better from here!

Until the next free moment!

5 Weeks, 5 Days

Working from home today – I’ve been at it for four hours already. That’s what happens when you’re up and at ’em at 6 a.m. (out of character for me). But, at least work is getting the better end of that stick. At least for the time being.

I had a freak out moment last night. I don’t FEEL pregnant. I’m not sick or nauseous for the most part. I’m not overly bloated. I’m incredibly thirsty and don’t have the big appetite that I think is something I always have. But, other than that, I don’t feel different. I certainly don’t look different. By giving up pop and alcohol, I think my pants fit better than they have in a long time. And I haven’t gone to the doctor for bloodwork to make sure that everything’s ok. So, though I’d taken two pregnancy tests, and I had gone to my family doctor and she had confirmed that I was, yes, in fact, pregnant, I still took another pregnancy test last night (what?! wait, why?). I just had this horror show going in my head that I was walking around, telling people I was pregnant when I had mis-read the test or that it was a false-positive or something else. So, yes, I peed on another stick a week and a half after I first peed on a stick.

It was positive, in case you were wondering.

Yesterday, my Mom and I stoppd at Babies R Us for a brief moment. She had laughed when I told her that I’d started a registry online. Not because I want people to go look at things I’m in want/need of for the baby. No, it’s for my own benefit. If you looked at it right now, you’d see that I have five cribs, three strollers and a few different car seat attachments for strollers listed. I do NOT need five cribs or three strollers, even. I just am narrowing down the things that I like, that have solid reviews, that are within the price range I’m willing to pay for the various products. My mom thought it was all funny until we walked into Babies R Us and it’s the most overwhelming experience you can imagine. I mean, I can’t take Jon into that store without having narrowed things down to a few items. He’s not going to do the research, and I know him. He’ll just say ‘let’s do it a different day’. So, I can ease him into the whole process, get his opinion, and move forward by shopping online and building the registry, adding and deleting things as needed. And, it takes like two weeks to do justifiable research on one thing.

Is the stroller a good stroller? Do you want a jogger/three wheel stroller? Does the stroller have an infant car seat attachment? Do people who have that stroller like it? Are the amazon.com reviews strong? What about on thebump.com? In general, what does a google search reveal about the stroller. Is it worth it to pay $$$ for a stroller or should you go cheap on the stroller and spend high somewhere else?? Do you want to have to invest in another stroller when/if you have a second baby or do you want one that grows with your family? How often am I going to really use a stroller? (See what I mean, overwhelming). So, I’m doing one item at a time, that way I’ll feel good about all of my choices. With two weeks per major item devoted to research, I feel like I’ll definitely have 20 items on my registry by the time the baby comes. Success.

The one thing I do know — I’m getting black. So, there’s that. Color – chosen. Now, to fish for the rest of those answers.

SLEEP. I got it last night, at least. Jon, however, didn’t. For whatever reason, I must be moving around a lot more than usual. He’s slept on the couch the last two nights. He says that I sleep in the middle of the bed, and he wanted to let me. What a guy, what a guy.

Only 10 more days until my first appointment with the nurse at my new doctor’s office. I feel like those days are going to go slowly by. But, looking forward to that. That’ll put me at 7 weeks, 1 day. And then I’m supposed to meet the doctor the following week. Hopefully that’s the heartbeat appointment and the one where they give you pictures of the mini Mason (that’s what I’m calling it for now).

Ok — that constitutes my lunch break today. Good thing I just ate breakfast.

Week 5, Day 4

Holy moly — last night was a NO SLEEP night. That’s getting old.

But yesterday was a day — McGee died. McGee has been the best kind of dog, a kind of stop-gap in my family’s world. When my grandparents died 4 1/2 years ago, the dog survived and my parents became McGee’s new Mom & Dad. By proxy, he was my cousin/brother. Admittedly, I felt a little bit Mormon. But, it was on McGee’s back that our sorrow and loss rode for the last 4 1/2 years. I feel, a little bit, like maybe he waited until he knew we had something else (a baby!) in our lives before he let himself succumb to whatever was taking over his body.

But, in the last two months, McGee just wasn’t himself. He lost five pounds — 25% of his weight — in two weeks. He couldn’t control his bladder. The vet said it was diabetes and there was organ damage. My Mom and Dad were with him when they said good-bye. I said good-bye in the morning at my parents’ house. I was sad all day. I’m still sad. McGee was quite seriously someone I looked forward to seeing — and he to me. I called him “Bubby”, my pet name for him. I’m so sad that he’s gone.

I’ll admit that I was more glad than ever that there is this little life growing inside of me. Not that it can be equated to the dog, at all, but it’s the continuity of life that brings me peace. It has always made me sad that my Grandpa Jerry, Grandma Judy, Grandpa Carpenter, Grandpa Carrell, won’t meet my children. And now, no pictures of cute McGee with the cute baby. But, it means that life continues (thankfully) and that there are great things to look forward to. Also, this means my Mom gets  a break from taking care of the dog before she goes on Grandma-babysitting duty 😉

So, back to being pregnant. Last night, it was like period cramps. But, can’t take Pamprin, so had to just battle through it. It’s been a looooonnnngg time since I had cramps that I couldn’t take anything for. So, I got in the shower at 2:30 a.m. (this after researching and googling ‘cramps, six weeks, pregnant’ for about an hour). What else is a girl to do? It helped and by 4 a.m., I was finally asleep. However, that was short-lived. I was up by 7:30 a.m. ready to go and get my homework done by Noon MST. Ran to VG’s, got donuts and coffee and milk and oj for ‘breakfast-in-bed’ for Jon. Man is he lucky.

Anyway, began researching some strollers last night. What a big decision that is. It can be a purchase of $200 or $500, plus all the attachments. You can read great reviews on them all — and opposite opinions on them all. The only friend I have who has a semblance of what is good/bad is Jay and she’s in Florida (not the same needs as someone in the snow all the time). So, right now the frontrunners are Phil and Ted’s Explorer and the BOB Revolution. I like the idea that it can work as a jogger/walker, can navigate smaller spaces and, the Phil and Ted’s can be adapted for both an infant car seat and as a dual stroller. I feel like, though the initial price tag may be steep, it will be a good long term investment. However, if I’m dissatisfied with the stroller, it will have just been a huge waste of money. What a big decision.

I also started looking at cribs. Another overwhelming experience. I’m pretty committed to a 4-in-1 crib that can go from a crib to toddler bed to a double bed. BUT — what color? What style? Do I even bother purchasing the whole kit and kaboodle (dresser, etc.) or just wing it? See — lots of questions.

Oh, and gliders. The ones that don’t look like your typical Babies-R-Us purchase, that look like a piece of furniture that is intentionally in your home, but not for babies specifically, are pretty pricey. I haven’t done justice to shopping those out.

My goal: to have all of the stuff I’m putting on a list-of-things-I-need/want chosen (boy-specific and girl-specific) so that in 14 more weeks, when we know what it is, we can be raring and ready to go on making choices and getting stocked up. Actually, that 14 week mark will be the same time I’m finishing my MBA! Woohoo!!!

Ok – enough rambling for this a.m. I’m feeling better now that I’m upright. Hopefully, sleep comes my way tonight!

Baby Brain: Week 5, Day 3 (242 Days to Go)

Well, I can’t sleep in. That’s an annoying by-product of this being pregnant gig.

I’ve been woken at 3 a.m. (I know, it’s just the start) by my breasts aching SO bad. They don’t hurt that bad during the day (sore, but not in a way that makes me concentrate on that). But at night, man, all of a sudden if I want to relax, they DON’T. Sign of things to come…

I started reading a blog that a friend from work writes awhile ago and she is pregnant too, due in August. She’s been keeping this great blog (read it here) about her pregnancy experience, and I thought GREAT idea. So, here’s mine.

Went to dinner last night at Joe’s Garage (per normal) and Jon’s parents – Karen and John – as well as Rick (Jon’s brother) and Jen (Rick’s girlfriend) and my Mom and Dad, met us. It was great — the not drinking wasn’t awful, but I HAVE realized that asking a waitress to bring you eight cups of water in your sitting may be reason to leave a better-than-average tip.

By now, we’ve told our families and they all know that we’re expecting a baby (holy crap!) in October. But, I haven’t been on the ‘let’s tell EVERYONE’ bandwagon, I guess. It’s still SUPER early and I haven’t been to the doctor. Frankly, I’m nervous. Something could be not-right (though I don’t think that’ll be the case) and I just am not even looking or feeling pregnant. My Mom I feel like sort of pressured me into telling the news to Annette and her parents. I don’t mind, I know she’s excited. BUT, it’s SO early. And, I don’t really know what to say back. Maybe that’s it. I just don’t know what to say. Either way, definitely need to talk with her about that.

That’s right, one major symptom I’m having is this incredible thirst. I literally drank SIX liters of water driving the 4 hours from Indianapolis to home on Thursday. I mean, SIX. I feel kind of like a dog — I’ll take water from anywhere (including, most recently and conveniently, the bathroom faucet).

The big news this week is that we got the house! It’ll be ours sometime late March/early April, assuming all goes well (which it sounds like it will). I spoke with my lender yesterday and Karen has been great guiding me through the whole process. Lots of changes coming in one fell swoop — but I’ve never been more ready for it!

I feel like my whole life is coming together, finally. Job: check. Man: check. Baby (on the way): check. Obviously, the marriage thing isn’t checked off yet. It’s been a point of conversation, and it’s not that Jon and I are not committed to one another…seems like we both may just want to manage the rest of these changes effectively, then navigate marriage. Plus, a house and baby will be a huge money drain and a wedding only exacerbates that fact. Anyway — that’s that on the marriage front. For now, at least.