Somehow, lately, time has gotten away from me. I wish I were a bit better about writing here more regularly. But, at least I have some way to capture this unique time of waiting-for-baby…right?!
I’m currently on the road for work and have been quite productive already today and am looking to be even more productive in the next few hours. But, a brief timeout to get these thoughts out of my head and out there into the world.
The kicking/movement/punching/flipping is a regular, every day occurence. Actually, it’s more like hourly. Which is weird in many ways but it can become disconcerting, too. Like, if I wake up after having slept on my back at all, I get worried that I did something to her and if I don’t feel her move right away, then I find myself worrying about whether she’s going to move at all, ever again. (dramatic, yes…overkill…no. ;). This is in direct relation to all of the websites that tell you to NOT sleep on your back because you could have your uterus/placenta/some important part put pressure on the vena cava, which is the blood supply to the baby, which is also the oxygen supply…so, in short, by sleeping on your back you could royally mess up your baby. In some ways, I feel like this could end up like the ‘don’t raise your arms above your head’ old wives’ tale. But, it’s got me spooked.
I’m trying to push myself up between a pillow in front and in back of me…so I can’t get onto my back unwittingly in the middle of the night…inevitably I end up on my back. I really don’t want to introduce one of those huge side sleeper pillows into my bed. Partially because I am on the road often and would have to take it with me and partially because there would be no room for Jon if I did this. Aren’t I nice to think of him?
So, I am in a constant state of panic/worry until I feel her move around at some point in the morning. Sometimes, it’s right after I wake up or even while I’m laying in bed. Other times, like today, when I woke up at 6:30 and it’s now 10:30, it took four hours to feel legitimate kicking/movement/punching/flipping. Totally freaks me out. This begs the question: is it easier to keep your child safe INSIDE the womb or once they’re OUTSIDE? Or, I guess I should just prepare myself for this level of anxiety for the rest of my life…well, probably higher levels of anxiety. High anxiety is a family condition that seems to be handed down from generation to generation.
I try to push on my belly to see if she’ll get annoyed and push back. Just to make sure she’s there. Then of course, I worry if I’m pushing her too much/hard/often/whatever.
At least the movements don’t keep me up at night. I’m a pretty heavy sleeper so maybe I’m just sleeping through it. I’d like to imagine that she sleeps all night too…ha! Yeah, right.
In short, I’m on kicking patrol all day every day to make sure that all’s right in there. They (whoever they are) say that you should feel movement once per hour. Which begged the question: once every hour or, if I feel movement, does the clock start again then? See – these are the things that keep my mind racing. I have this sneaking suspicion that that’s not going to get any better.
Until next time!