It’s Legitimate – I’m Losing My Mind

Yesterday, I managed to get a chocolate chip IN my hair. And, it was only 100 degrees yesterday, so it wasn’t like ‘oops, a chocolate chip accidentally is on your head’ but it was more like ‘you just ate a Dunkin Donuts chocolate chip muffin, got melty chocolate all over your hand, didn’t realize it, brushed your hair out of your face, and realized there is now a large, brown streak through the left side of your pulled-back hair.’ Yeah, that’s what yesterday was like.

I found myself thinking ‘maybe I’ll magically find that chocolate, melted, mixed with flour and sugar and other pastry finery is actually a really great treatment for hair’ and then I’d be on QVC and selling my chocolate hair treatment.

I had to use all my wits to come up with how to get the chocolate out of my hair before I walked into my account visits yesterday. Some deft combing skills along with a bit of spit worked wonders.

I have succeeded in misplacing (not losing) my phone every day for the last five days. To the point it caused quite the ruckus with my Grandma and has wasted countless hours of my time as I search and search.

I feel a little bit like my Grandma — I feel like maybe I’m telling and re-telling the same stories to the same people time after time and passing them off as though they are brand new stories and people are thinking ‘oh, she doesn’t remember she’s already told me this’ with one of those gratuitous smiles on their face.

Yeah, I feel like the Baby Brain has finally settled in. From not being able to sleep the last two nights (not because of baby moving or having to pee — though wasting my life walking to and from the bathroom could happen if the latest peeing trends keep up) to all of the random things I keep doing thinking ‘what the hell’ — I just think I’m going to blame my losing of the mind on the baby. Why not, right?

One other thing I want to be sure to capture: My mind is racing a mile a minute. I have lists of things that need to get accomplished before the baby comes. The nursery is still in the same state it was last time I reported on it. Non-existent progress. That gives me high anxiety. Money. Time. Child care. Work. Job. New job? When? Jon’s job? House projects. Cleaning the house. The spot on the carpet that I should really try to get out. The nasty bathroom floor. The drain that was slow that all of a sudden isn’t slow. The yard that feels overgrown (what are the neighbors saying?). Jon is great and our relationship feels better than it ever has. Jon’s an asshole. Jon needs to work on the damn nursery. Yeah, mile a minute. And then, when you lay down to attempt sleep with all of that running through your mind, the baby decides to start kicking and sqirming and flipping. And so, my mind’s going a mile a minute and my stomach is flip flopping with a baby inside it and…holy shit, I’m stuck inside my own body! Let me out!!

I mean, don’t get me wrong. I love feeling the Minnie girl move. And I like the stronger and stronger she is obviously getting. And I like lists and having things to do.

I just don’t like being out of control.

I think I’m going to have to get used to it.


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