Is it possible to feel as though time is flying by and dragging on all at once?
That’s how I’m feeling right now.
Today’s the finishing-touches day on the nursery (artwork onto the walls) but I’ve got another week-plus to go until another doctor’s appointment and I’m hovering at this 32 weeks point, which I feel as though I’ve been at forever.
Baby Girl is doing well in there, kicking and punching and doing whatever it is that she does (paaaarrrrtttaaay). I feel like I’ve been in a hurry up and wait mode for some time now…but then, last night while scrounging up something to eat for dinner, I looked at my handy dandy calendar on the fridge only to realize that this coming weekend IS in fact Labor Day (thought I had two more weeks til that happened) and that my birthday is a WEEK from today (not two) and that our final baby shower is getting closer, when I swear it was two months away yesterday.
I know it’s going to fly by in the end, and in many ways it has and it does fly by daily. But. I’m just ready to be done talking about having a baby and actually HAVE one. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think we’re mentally prepared in any way, shape or form quite yet, but I think we’re as prepared as we’re going to get and we have an infant car seat and a crib and a bassinet and blankets and outfits and socks, diapers and wipes.
I find it interesting how I keep getting struck by these ‘oh shit’ moments. Not about being a good mom per se, but as I read different books, wondering how I”ll handle certain things, how Jon and I will handle it together and separately. How I’ll manage having a job and being a mom…how I’ll pay bills and will I have more or less time than I imagine myself to have. What to do if she cries a lot – what if she doesn’t cry enough. What if she’s NOT healthy when she’s born? This is probably one of my more scary running thoughts – that something I’ve done (or failed to do) while she’s in the womb has triggered something that makes her life harder than it has to be. What if in the delivery room, something goes awry? Fatalistic thoughts in many ways, but it’s just what’s running through my head, quite frankly.
I did begin reading “The Happiest Baby on the Block” last night and I really think it had some good, useful information.
The baby name hunt continues. Don’t think we’re sold on any one name at this point in time, which is still pretty frustrating. I would love to have a name set and ready to go, but at the same time, it’s taken us this long, I hope we kind of wait until we meet her to see what kind of a name we think she’ll get. I have a few front runners, but…we just can’t seem to come to a consensus on anything. My fear is that Jon, notorious for delaying decisions until the LAST possible instant, will do the same here and we won’t be happy with the name we choose. So, I’m hoping that he’ll come on board the baby naming train with me and we’ll get this list of our narrowed down. We shall see.
Anyway, just an update of where my baby brain is this Monday morning.