I Don’t Care WHAT They Say on Infomercials or Reality Shows, You CAN’T Quickly Throw on Makeup

In honor of a memo reminder I found in my phone today titled “Blog Topics” I’ve decided to write on one of the topics I have squirreled away…

I think this thought struck me when I was watching an episode of TLC’s “What Not To Wear” when they take the ugly duckling/infantile dressers and make them over – closet, hair and makeup.

So, watching that show, here’s what I thought, as the woman applying the makeup stated “this is your easy, quick makeup solution” as she used liquid foundation, blush, bronzer, mascara, eyeliner and different sponges and brushes for each.

I feel that today, especially, this is pertinent. I walked out of the house, against my better judgement, in a warm-up type outfit with a red hat and scarf with a red tank top underneath. The outfit itself is cream, so I felt like I was looking a little bit festive. But, I opted to go without makeup because, frankly, it takes too long to apply.

I want to know HOW exactly foundation, blush, bronzer, mascara, eyeliner and the different, unique sponges or brushes used for application can be quick. 

So, today I went without.


Not pretty.

On a good day, when I’m QUICKLY applying makeup that includes a routine something like this:

Jergens Healthy Glow face lotion

Quick was of the hands to get the self-tanner off before moving on…

Almay Wake-Up loose powder foundation under the eyes, on the blemishes, and then blend (or attempt to) everywhere on the face.

Blush – from MAC, who knows what color

Maybelline self-sharpening gray-ish eyeliner over the lash line on my top lids. If I feel like I look especially tired, I’ll outline the bottom too…so as to detract from people looking at my flabby belly, the rest of my tired face, etc. Focus on the eyes, folks!

Maybelline Voluminous Millions mascara…and, if that doesn’t do it, use the eyelash curler somewhere in the whole routine.

MAC Bronzer applied heavier on eyelids as a substitute for eye shadow, then as a definer on cheeks and high spots on my face…


Ok, so that’s my ‘quick’ make up routine. It took me at least five minutes to WRITE that all out, let alone actually DO IT to my face.

You add in to that a liquid foundation and actual eye-shadow which requires actually THINKING about what colors you’re choosing, which brushes you’re choosing, etc.

So I think that on TV and infomercials they should STOP saying it’s a quick application for any type of makeup. I think I go pretty quickly and it’s NOT quick, ladies and gents. I actually apply makeup more often now that I’m flabbier and a Mom because the last thing I want to feel is ugly when I run into that random old high school acquaintance or someone from whom I’d some day like to ask for some type of employment. And, the more involved I get in community ‘stuff’ the more pressure I feel to not walk out of the house sans makeup or a respectable outfit (not something that could be worn as pajamas, for example). I still have days where I feel makeup is just a waste of time and money, so I don’t apply it (like today) but those days are getting fewer and farther between.

I have this ridiculous fear that if I go too long without doing my makeup, hair or putting on an actual outfit, that those silly people from What Not To Wear will track me down one day and I’ll have to give up all my favorite clothes and be on display on some reality show. Ok, I know I’m not at that point, but that’s the fear that drives me to choose jeans over comfy yoga pants to go to the store in…it’s the fear that forces me to apply a round of makeup before heading out the door.

Anyway, there, I feel better that I actually, finally, wrote about something that struck me in a random moment!!

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