Work Travel Expense Report Baby

Does anyone out there reading know of anyone out there blogging who has SOME answer for how to be a Mom who travels for work and has an infant at home?

Because I. Am. Struggling.

Not so much when I’m on the road for work, but in the miles as I inch closer to home. That’s when it – f rankly – sucks the most.

This week was my first two nights in a row away from Elle and I HATED it. Again, not while I was living it, but as the days wound their way into night and as I found myself with nothing to fill the balance of my days. Space that’s taken up by Elle, vacant when I’m on my own out in the big cruel world.

Ok. Stop the pity party.

I seriously just need to know how someone else makes it work. And I feel like there’s no one else out there that’s like me…I need to find someone, so I at least have a kindred spirit.

I can’t get a schedule or routine together very well, because I’m not home consistently to do that.

I got home tonight from three days on the road, left before Elle was awake Monday morning and forced Jon to keep her awake until I got home tonight. I made him save bath time (B-A-T-H, bath time is the song I sing…) for me, so that I got that time with my girl.

And as I got ever closer to home, I wondered if she’d recognize me or not; would she smile or pout or cry when I saw her.

As it worked out, I didn’t see her, because I couldn’t through my tears.

This economy, sucks.

This job – it is what is is and I need it, whether I want it or not. And I do enjoy the work when I’m doing it, but it’s the times in between, the overnights away that are killing me softly (don’t know what is about me and song titles and lyrics tonight…just humor me).

Jon’s laid off, mine is the primary, reliable income. But, because he’s laid off and home, worrying about who’s watching Elle, taking her and picking her up from school is less  of a worry. Jon’s a great stay-at-home Dad…but sometime soon, when winter is finally spring, he’ll be back to work (fingers crossed) and so will I and…

I know we’ll make it work.

Of course we will.

But this just totally stinks.

Either way, she was TOTALLY pumped to see me, smiled through her binky and felt so little and so much bigger than she did three days ago.

Ugh.

Gut punch.

So, we enjoyed B-A-T-H bathtime and sang songs and kicked and splashed, and did the normal bedtime routine, and she’s sleeping now and has been for just over an hour.

I’m home for longer than I was on the road now, thankfully, but it makes tomorrow night’s outing for my Mom’s birthday seem like ANOTHER time I’m leaving her. And Saturday morning’s 5K down the road is ANOTHER time I’m leaving her (can I take her in the jogging stroller, I’ve wondered…except, it’s winter in Michigan, remember). And what about Friday and my getting-the-taxes-done appointment.

Yeah, I have to find a way to make it work…or…

But either way, I need to find a kindred spirit out there who’s traveling and working and mothering an infant remotely.

Not my idea of fun and not something I would encourage other mothers to do.

Between work and work travel and expense reports…there I am, being Elle’s Mom.

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