Dear Elle: You’re Five Months Old

Can you believe it girly?! You’re five months old!

Once again, this evening letter is written to you from the relative uncomfortableness of a hotel bed but I’m in a better place when it comes to my work/life balance these days. I am so excited to write to you – I’ve been thinking about it for days, so I hope it turns out good.

I want to capture these moments, snapshotting them into my mind. The way that your fingers still curl around mine as you fall asleep — because you just like having something in your hands to fall asleep with (this means we’re headed toward an Elle-blankie relationship I think). The way that your smile – which is so INCREDIBLY awesome – falls open when I walk in the door from a night on the road, 30 minutes at the store, or picking you up from ‘school’. I thought of that smile this morning, driving to work, and how stinking cute it is. You’ve seriously got the best smile and I am trying to envision it with teeth filling in the gummy gaps — but not trying too hard. I don’t want to wish this time away. I just want more of your smile, your open-mouthed, drooly kisses.

You’re still in the 95th percentile for height and the 75th for weight — which I guess makes you big, but you’re still so small (even relatively compared to friends your same age). You are right on track with all the things that books say you should be doing – sitting up on your own (you fall over and think it’s pretty darn funny), flailing wildly on your belly, rolling over (from your back to your belly but not yet the other way around). You are starting to find interest in toys you weren’t interested in before, which is always entertaining. You still love Sophie, the ball with the huge holes in it and have a sudden and new-found appreciation for cheap plastic rattles. Ok.

You LOVE, L-O-V-E jumping. You jump at school, you jump at home, and today, for your five month birthday, your Grandma and Grandpa Mason got you the best jumpy that you evidently jumped in for an hour and a half at their house. Your Dad sent me a video of you jumping. And screaming. And jumping and screaming. That’s another thing you’ve picked up in recent days — screaming. That’s a learned-it-at-school trick, for sure.

The weather is unseasonably warm, and we’ve been spending quite a bit of time outside. We took your stroller (with you in it) for a walk over to Uncle Rick and Aunt Jen’s the other day and your Grandpa Scott came down and took you on his morning walk last week, too. You and I sat outside and you had some of your bottle while we sat on the patio watching your Dad do some yard work. I’m so looking forward to playing outside!

Now that it’s warmed up a bit, we’ve returned to spending time downstairs. In our house, the downstairs gets quite cold in the winter, so we spent most of our time upstairs after Thanksgiving. But now, we’ve returned to those old familiar spots and it is just so neat. It’s like a lifetime ago that I rocked you in that rocking chair downstairs, that we laid on the black leather couch cuddling you and getting to know you. And to think it was only five months ago! It really was weird returning to our downstairs living room, it made me reminisce about the memories we have already made that we grew away from just because the weather turned cold. It makes me glad I keep this blog, write these notes and take all the pictures that I do. They’re all clips of our lives together and I just can’t quite tell you how cool it is, knowing that I’m your Mom at the beginning and end of every day.

You’re not sleeping through the night these days – you were for awhile, but now you’ve stopped. I’m not entirely certain what’s changed. You still sleep pretty good, so I’m not complaining, but I have to say that when you sleep all through the night, it makes a difference.

Your Dad is heading back to work after a long stretch of being laid off this winter. I’m scared of the ways it may change our little family dynamic and of the ways it might impact the time I get with you and the time I spend at work. But I’m looking forward to him working, too. He’s pretty much been off work since the time you were born, so I think of him as incredibly lucky. The toughest part about going back to work, is that he will have to go out of town to work and we’re not yet sure what that means. That he will be gone for 5-6 nights straight is a certainty – it’s just a matter of how we’ll manage that all the way around. I asked him last night if he was at all worried about how he would handle being away from you like that and his man-answer was ‘No’ and when I asked him to look at me and say it, look in my eyes, he couldn’t do it. You’ve got him madly and hopelessly in love with you — and I LOVE watching the way you guys play and interact. Watching him as your Dad is almost the best gift you will ever give me, I think.

You still really enjoy laying on the floor and watching your ceiling fan. It’s going to totally rock your world when it’s warm enough that it’s on and spinning all the time.

You’re an awesome cuddler and prefer being cuddled to sleep rather than zonking out on your own. You still can’t fight the power of a swing, rocking, or the gentle humming I do against your cheek to put you to sleep. One of my favorite things is when you start humming on your own to soothe yourself, and I know it’s a trick I gave you.

You are digging eating – peas and green beans and carrots and squash and bananas and rice cereal and oatmeal cereal and Baby Mum Mums and frozen mango (in one of those netty snack things). You like doing things yourself, for sure, and I savor the time we sit at the kitchen table navigating our way through the fruits and veggie purees. And from there, it’s on to our cherished bath time. You still love it and we’ve got swimming classes just a few weeks on the horizon. And then, summer at the pool, at the lake, and sunglasses and swimsuits and bonnets and hats. Totally can’t wait.

You are the most intriguing person in my life, you hold so much mystery and you change and expose more and more of who you are each day. You are my girly and I love you. I just plain old love you. Simply and beautifully and in all the complicated ways, too. And the beautiful simplicity of this complicated love — it fills me up. You fill me up.



One thought on “Dear Elle: You’re Five Months Old

  1. Lindsay – More than once I’ve been moved by your writing but none more than this retelling of our “grandma party.” You always capture the moment not only in photos but in words and in spirit. This is lovely. Thank you.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s