The Unforgettable Bikini Wax Question

Ok, so this struck me today.

This was my first weekend as MOD, Manager on Duty, and it was actually quite nice. I felt like I got some big things accomplished and checked off my list and I felt very engaged at work. It was good and I look forward to having an MOD weekend every few months.

But, at work, you see, I have a radio with me whenever I’m on property. You know, like a walkie talkie?

And there are probably about 30-45 people who have an assigned number (no use of names on the radio – my number is 61) and use the radio on any given day, from custodial to maintenance to security to customer service to management. We all use it, all day long.

And lately, almost daily, I’ve been reminded of the one time, back right after high school, when I worked at the putt-putt and golf course in the same town where I work now, that I made a MAJOR walkie talkie flub.

In fact, I can’t even believe I’m writing about it here, can’t even believe I’m coming clean. The ONLY reason I’m doing it is because it is now 13 years later and I’m still embarrassed by it, and I’m hoping that the whole mea culpa thing will help.

Sooo, anywho, I was working and it was slow, as it often was, at the golf course.

My friend, Shelley, was also working, but she was over at the putt putt. Our work places were brand new, so there were no phones to talk to one another, so we would often talk over the radios. And we were doing that this particular weekday afternoon.

And then, in the errors of youth, believing seriously that the world revolves around you and only you and that there is some magnificent bubble surrounding you, I ask her, nonchalantly, if she knows of any good place nearby for a bikini wax.

Yup.

I think I’m turning red and getting warmer just writing about it.

Because that’s when our boss (who now happens to be the golf pro at the golf course where we are members…ugh…small world) came on the radio and said “we can all hear you”.

Uhhh, thanks for the reminder.

Shit.

Shitshitshit.

Except, at the time, I don’t think I was embarrassed.

It was only after said golf pro/boss came back for lunch and told me that the entirety of the restaurant where he and HIS BOSS were having lunch heard me ask the best place to go for a bikini wax.

Actually, I don’t think bossman actually re-iterated the words bikini and wax. I think he just let the reality of what I’d done hang there.

And now, 13 years later, I am haunted by my stupidity.

I wonder, now, how did I NOT, as a smart person, realize that OTHER PEOPLE WOULD HEAR ME?

So now, I’m very VERY particular about walkie talkie etiquette, just waiting for someone to pull a stunt worse than mine, so I can feel better about my own dumb shit.

It didn’t happen today.

It won’t happen tomorrow.

In fact, it probably won’t ever happen. I’ll just continue to be embarrassed of myself in front of myself every time I think of this stupid story.

Silly, silly girl.

 

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Kids Say

Well, this morning I was walking in to drop Elle off at daycare.

First, let me set the stage.

We got the note home with her daily report that she needed snacks and diapers. I woke up ahead of Elle (barely) and got myself sort of ready, made Elle’s bottles for school. I was feeling pretty good about the way my pants fit and the new sweater I bought at Old Navy on Friday, because it made me feel a little cute. I threw on a necklace, while Elle hung on me, did my make up while Elle hung on me.

Pretty typical morning, all in all.

Anyway, I had everything set out to take to school with us. I carry it down the stairs and when I get to the door to the garage, I don’t have enough hands to carry Elle (who is by this point melting down for whatever reason), the diapers, the snacks, her lunch sack, my purse.

I could make two trips, you say?

I COULD make two trips.

There are two scenarios here.

One is that I leave Elle unattended for the 10 seconds I sprint to the car and throw her stuff in and sprint back OR I take her to the car, strap her into her seat, and then listen to her scream at 8 a.m. for all the world to hear because she’s in the car all alone.

So, I opt for neither of those options and instead try to carry it all out the door together.

Which means I dropped most of it on the way to the car.

However, I was feeling really good about myself as a working mother that I had gotten all of the stuff together and gotten it out the door. I could do THAT, I can for sure carry it all too.

And then, we got to school, and there were no diapers.

WTF.

And then, I remember.

They fell on the garage floor, which is where they remain. Good thing they weren’t FRESH out of diapers at school.

Anyway…I digress very far from the original path of this morning’s tale.

We get to school and I grab Elle and the things that I remembered and head toward the door.

There is another mom with her little girl – maybe four – heading in as well.

I step up onto the sidewalk when the little girl says  – to no one in particular – “My brother is waaay cuter than her.”

Again, WTF?

I mean, I know that kids say the darndest things, but it was like ‘really?’. I laughed and smiled to myself and avoided eye contact with the mother at all costs.

I got to the door first, laughing, mainly, because the mother was obviously embarrassed and it made me laugh knowing that my time is coming with the perfectly right thing said at the perfectly wrong time.

My response was “I don’t know about that – but as a big sister, that’s EXACTLY what you’re supposed to say about your little brother”.

What doesn’t occur to me is that her brother, obviously being about the same size as Elle, will be in THE SAME ROOM.

Yes, we all crowd into the baby room together. And there is the cuter-than-you brother.

And he was cute, I’ll give him that, but cuter than my girlie?

Ha. Nope.

He’s round and chubby and seemed good-spirited.

Elle at this point is now playing with stacking cups in the play area of the room and is being a perfect angel (I kid you not). Score one for my kid looking WAAAY cuter and acting nicer.

But, who’s counting??

I look at the little brother, carefully avoiding eye contact with the mother for fear my look will say “sistah puh-leeeze, your kid is obviously not cuter than mine and we both know it”. So, I avoid eye contact and focus on brother.

And he proceeds to vomit all over the teacher, himself and his sister’s shoes.
Annnnddddd…score one for us.

 

🙂

Seeking: Order

I need an app.

One that keeps my calendar (without my physically punching any information into it. Just reading my mind. And it can’t be Siri, because I just feel like a goon talking out loud. Almost as goony as stopping to put things in my calendar…).
I need an app that pops up reminders without me having to remind it to remind me. You know, when that happens, when you set a calendar thing, you plan on a little reminder popping up, and then nothing and two hours later you remember that you forgot to go to the middle school and help paint on Saturday morning.

 

I need an app that coordinates my work schedule and my home schedule with the lists that I make for things that SHOULD get done and COULD get done and MUST get done NOW, then and some day.

 

I need a filing system at work that is better than ‘this is the pile where I file things until I feel like filing them’. I also need that at home. Because the piles get bigger at home.

 

I need an app that reminds me to send birthday cards, buy birthday cards, or just simply to remember to grab a birthday card OUT of the card box. But then, I also need an app to help me in my quest for stamps.

 

And I need an app that incessantly insists that I wipe down the counters in the bathroom TODAY or TOMORROW or whatever day I choose. But it has to insist. It can’t let me snooze it. Is there such a thing?

 

Anyway – I need to find order in my life. I feel like there is none. And, instead of filing that pile of stuff in the corner of my eye, I sit here writing about filing it.

 

But this brings order to my life, too.

 

What to do, friends-out-there? What apps do you use to bring a sense of order to your lives?

 

Thanks!

Dear Elle: You’re 11 Months Old!

Dear Elle,

Can you believe that you are thisclose to being ONE! One whole year? That is crazy, my girlie.

But, before we think about how close we are to being a full year old, let’s talk about what you’re up to right now.

Your Dad and I have taken to saying ‘we should have named her Kay’ because you are pure CHAOS all the time. Well, not all the time. You’re sweet, too. But now that you’re fully walking everywhere, all the time, you are chaos. Opening every door or cupboard you can get your hands on, emptying anything that you can, and pretty much following up and doing anything that you’re told ‘No’ to.

Yup, chaos.

I feel guilty sometimes calling you that, because you are simply acting your age. BUT – you’re a crazy girl sometimes.

Case in point: today you realized that you can climb ONTO your Baby Einstein jumper. It is NOT safe. But, you entertained yourself and were quite proud of yourself that you got into the seat all on your own. And then bounced. And then get SUPER pissed that you couldn’t get out. Which made your Dad and I laugh! (Sorry, that’s the sense of humor you were born into).

Needless to say, the Baby Einstein is now out of your play area.

You have taken up screaming. Piercingly loud. All. The. Time. It’s really annoying and I don’t know how to get you to stop. I need to Google that. Because it’s not a becoming trait of a young girlie. That’s for sure.

You are fully mobile – you move FAST. You’re still wearing 9 month clothes, but that’s probably pretty short lived. It’s sad, there were some really cute 12 month summer clothes that you just did not make it into.

Planning for your birthday party is well underway. I’m excited about it, for sure. I can’t believe it will be here so quickly, before we know it.

We are having you outside to play more – which is great. Except that you’ve been eating dirt. Not a lot, but for sure eating it. And I’ve just committed to you getting dirty and messy, and playing around outside.

You still LOVE the bath. You think every bath is too short. You need new bath toys, for sure, but those that you have seem to be entertaining enough.

The things you play with these days amaze me. Like, the measuring tape from my sewing kit. The step stool. The broken cow rattle. Those are among your favorite things. Weird, right?

You have TEETH! You have two on the bottom and there are two RIGHT THERE on the top. After going so long with no teeth, I knew they’d come quick when they did. You’ve been understandably pretty miserable the last week or so when they’re hurting. I can already see the orthodontic bills looming in our future. 🙂

You are still an extremely happy baby most of the time. Most people comment on how happy smiley you are – and you are. Except at night or when you’ve got something to complain about. Quite honestly, when it comes down to it, you typically cry or scream when you’ve get a wet butt or need to eat. You’re an easy to figure out girlie.

I can’t even tell you how much I love sitting and watching you grow. I feel like I’ve noticed a lot lately how different you are – flashes of the baby you were when we first met a year ago and flashes of how your hair might look a little longer, or the way you’ll interact with other kids and friends and people. I love where we’ve been and am absolutely thrilled about where we’re going.

I’m filled to overflowing with how much I love you.

You are an amazing girl.

My girl.

How freaking cool.

Love,

Mom

 

Where Do the Days Go?

I’m doing it again, over-extending myself and losing precious blogging time in the process. But, I feel like I’m becoming myself again in the process, so it’s ok.
I am in my fifth or sixth week of working in the new job and I LOVE it. It’s so well-suited for me and my life at this point. I can’t even begin to tell you. It’s like I shed 80 pounds (literally I shed like 12 in giving up the other job) and I just found myself again. The other job was sucking the life out of me. Ahhh, it feels good to be back.

 

I had the best laid plans to do up Elle’s first birthday party all crazy-Mom like. And I had the cutest invitations that I found that I was going to order the design file over etsy and then have them printed locally. Only, I couldn’t justify the expense. And then I didn’t like the idea of how they were going to look, and I wasn’t crazy about the layout, I wanted some relatively major tweaks. So, having lost all my design software (farewell, Creative Suite!) with giving up the old job, I of course used Powerpoint (seriously…). And I came up with a fabulous little invite. And then, I tried to export it to a jpg so I could get it printed at the local Meijer. Except that Powerpoint doesn’t export to jpg in high resolution, so the jpg was all messed up looking. So, needless to say, I battled it for awhile. I google’d all the work arounds and they all required changing the code of the actual computer during start up, which wasn’t something I was willing to do (I can just IMAGINE how that would’ve turned out). So, with time running out, I did what any digital-era mother would do.

I made it a PDF and emailed the thing, then created a facebook event and invited the people that we wanted to come. And I posted the PDF to facebook (sort of) too.

And that’s it. No postage. No post office (does anyone other than me feel guilty about how little they utilize the post office?). No printing. And no inviting anyone without a computer. Actually – I really need to print an invite for the neighbors,  since we don’t have to email them. They just live right next door.

It is amazing how hard it is to get to the post office, though, isn’t it?

My friend Jessica had asked me to return the breast pump she’d let me borrow and I said I’d have Jon do it two weeks ago (he got laid off two weeks ago – fingers crossed that he’s back to work next week!). And then I forgot. Not like I forgot to make sure it happened, I just kept forgetting to actually ASK Jon to box it and ship it. Which would have required me a)giving him her address and b)pulling the breast pump bag out of the closet. So, when Jay texted me the other day and asked if I’d shipped it, I lied. I said yes. And then I rushed home on my lunch break, emptied the contents of a box that appeared to be the proper size (happiness IS finding the right size tupperware!) and shoving the bag and some wrapping into the box. And then rushing to the post office (nearly 5 o’clock!) and asking if I was grabbing the right sticker to place on the box. I find it horribly confusing why the Priority Mail stuff sits right at the front of the line at the post office, but if you use that, then you have to pay for way extra stuff. I don’t know. It seems poorly organized to me. But then again, I don’t use it very often.

ANYWAY, I did actually get it shipped out (about 10 hours after I said I’d shipped it that day) and it will arrive to her house tomorrow. Oops.

I feel like I really need to develop some sort of better calendar system. I find it difficult to keep track of work stuff and home stuff and would-like-to-do-but-not-sure-I’ll-make-it stuff. I don’t have an app that I like that does all of it. I’m taking recommendations if you have a good GTD app (GTD means Get Things Done app…had to Google that).

 

Ok, so the big big news is this:

I turned 32.

AND…

Jon asked me to marry him.

 

Yeah, I know…buried in the midst of a post is this big deal thing. I know. I KNOW. Super exciting. (I guess I should clarify that I DID say yes). I love our little family and I love him and the people we are together, I really do. That doesn’t mean that it doesn’t annoy me beyond anything that he doesn’t feel it critical to, when emptying the trash, also empty all of the bathroom trash cans (do those not count or something?) but I learn to live with that. I have learned to live with that (begrudgingly, obviously). But, I do. I love him and the man and the father that he is and that he becomes each day.

And the ring is gorgeous, friends.

Gorgeous.

I keep taking pictures to try to do it justice, and it just doesn’t.

So, we’re on to planning a wedding, too.

Probably April.

But we’ll see.

I wanted December, but that became a huge challenge to pull off.

Anyway, I guess I really just needed to get an update out here, let you know i was still here and I’m still fumbling my way through finding a routine.

I’ll get there – someday. I’ll have to, I think. But for now, intermittent rambling blog posts are the best you’re going to get.

G’night.

L