She Loves Me Back

Elle has turned the corner in the last 5 weeks or so to where she’s crazy — she’s ALL toddler, MOST of the time. Which is to say that she doesn’t respond well to ‘No’ (she just keeps doing what she’s doing, laughing in my face) and with the attention span of a gnat, she flits from one thing to another causing as much disruption as possible.

 

But she’s really darn cute, too.

 

Despite all of this, the other day I was overcome with a feeling as her Mom that I was unfamiliar with. I’ve had frustration and guilt and fear and love. But there was something new to what washed over me in an instant one afternoon a week or so ago.

 

I have been toying with the idea, thinking it and mulling it over to discover if it really was what I believed it to be – that I wasn’t off base.

 

And here it was:

 

She loves me back.

 

I mean, I have loved this girlie from the moment I knew there would be a baby, let alone a girlie and then let alone ELLE. But, for the first time, I felt like she loved me back. I mean, she’s NEEDED me since before she was born…but love…that became something mutual between us only very recently.

 

I don’t know if it’s that she’s entered into the separation anxiety stage of her life so that she is sad to see me go away and overjoyed to see me come back or if it’s just how our relationship has evolved, but it made me feel like she’s a person, a real person, capable of developing bonds and relationships with people.

 

Maybe this sounds bad? I don’t know…but it’s how I’ve felt.

 

I thought about while putting her to sleep many nights lately. It’s like I’ve been in this relationship where I was putting in all the effort to see if I could get the other person to like me back…perhaps love…and then, suddenly, magically, it worked. Nothing changed on my end, I’d been doing what I’d been doing for over a year. But her, she changed. And that puts it over the edge. I am confident now that we’ll forge a great relationship as mother and daughter and a great friendship as people who fell in love – even if it wasn’t at the same time.

 

It’s certainly an odd sensation to be overcome with, but I don’t know how else to describe it. My girlie loves me back — I can’t think of any better discovery in the world!

 

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